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Behavioral experts including Vanessa Van Edwards and Janine Driver say the fastest way to read body language is spotting when someone’s words contradict their physical cues. Driver highlights three cues — eye blocking, shoulder shrugging, and lip-locking — as signals of discomfort, uncertainty, or disagreement worth responding to gently.

Behavioral experts say the fastest way to decode body language is to notice when someone’s words don’t match their physical gestures — a “fine” paired with avoided eye contact, or an agreement delivered with a shrug. Author and body language expert Janine Driver highlights three cues to watch in daily interactions — eye blocking, shoulder shrugging, and lip-locking — arguing that these small movements often reveal uncertainty, discomfort, or unspoken disagreement before words do.

The core idea, drawn from research and expert practice, is that nonverbal behavior is harder to control than speech. Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral investigator and author of “Cues,” writes that “most people make a conscious effort to choose their words carefully,” but body language is “much harder to consciously control and therefore more reliable in most cases.” In her view, when words and physiology point in opposite directions, the mismatch itself is the information worth noticing.

Driver, author of “You Say More Than You Think,” groups the most telling everyday cues under the shorthand ESL: eye blocking, shoulder shrugging, and lip-locking. Eye blocking — when someone who normally holds eye contact rubs their eyes, looks away, or covers their face — can signal sensitive information or a topic someone isn’t ready to discuss. Shoulder shrugging, even a slight one accompanying agreeable words, may indicate uncertainty or a yes given under pressure. Lip-locking — rolling the lips into the mouth — Driver summarizes with the phrase: “When we don’t like what we see or hear, our lips disappear.”

The recommended response is not confrontation. Driver suggests opening the door gently, with phrasing such as “Hey, I might be wrong, but it seems like…” — inviting honesty rather than demanding it. For eye blocking in particular, the suggested approach is to pause and offer a safe exit, for example: “If this is too much, it’s okay. I only want you to share what you’re comfortable with.”

Why Mismatched Cues Matter in Relationships

Learning to read these cues matters because everyday conversations often carry an emotional layer that words alone miss. According to Driver’s framework, noticing when someone says yes while their body signals “I’m not so sure” is described as “a gift of consideration” — an opportunity to offer more time, more options, or reassurance, and to prevent avoidable resentment from agreements made reluctantly.

Spotted early, cues like self-soothing gestures, shifted shoulders, or disappearing lips can prompt a pause rather than a push. That shift, practitioners argue, supports more honest dialogue with partners, children, friends, and colleagues — and reduces the chance of pressing someone into vulnerable territory they aren’t ready to enter.

The Research Behind Nonverbal Signals

The idea that bodies speak is not new. Charles Darwin, in “The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals,” observed that “most of our emotions are so closely connected with their expression, that they hardly exist if the body remains passive.” More recently, Spencer D. Kelly, professor of psychology at Colgate University, and his team have argued that nonverbal actions “continue to play a role for adults in the moment-to-moment processing of language” — meaning gesture isn’t decorative to speech but woven into how we understand each other.

Contemporary practitioners like Van Edwards and Driver translate this research into everyday coaching, popularizing specific, observable cues — and specific scripts for responding to them — for general audiences rather than clinical ones.

“Most people make a conscious effort to choose their words carefully. However, body language is much harder to consciously control and therefore more reliable in most cases.”

— Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral investigator and author of “Cues”

Limits of Reading Someone’s Gestures

It remains unclear how reliably any single cue predicts a person’s inner state. The ESL framework comes from practitioner observation — Driver’s clinical and coaching experience — rather than large controlled trials, and the source guidance itself emphasizes tentative responses (“I might be wrong, but…”) over confident interpretation.

Individual baselines also vary: someone who rarely holds eye contact, shrugs habitually, or presses their lips together may simply be doing so without hidden feeling. Context — fatigue, temperature, discomfort unrelated to the conversation — can produce the same gestures. Experts caution that cues are signals to check in, not conclusions to act on, and none of this guidance should be treated as a way to diagnose another person’s emotions with certainty.

How to Practice Cue Awareness

Readers interested in building the skill can start small: pick one cue — such as shrugging during agreements — and simply observe it over a week without responding. Van Edwards maintains additional resources, including a widely shared video breakdown of seven common body language cues, and both authors’ books (“Cues” and “You Say More Than You Think”) expand the frameworks with scripts and examples.

Practitioners recommend pairing observation with low-pressure check-ins, and, where relationship communication problems are persistent or serious, speaking with a qualified counselor rather than relying on nonverbal decoding alone.

Key Questions

What are the three body language cues Janine Driver recommends watching?

Driver groups them as ESL: eye blocking, shoulder shrugging, and lip-locking. Eye blocking suggests discomfort or a sensitive topic, shrugging signals uncertainty, and lip-locking — lips rolled into the mouth — often accompanies dislike of what’s being heard.

What should I do if I notice one of these cues?

Experts suggest a gentle, tentative opener such as “Hey, I might be wrong, but it seems like…”, or offering an exit (“It’s okay if this is too much”). The goal is to invite honesty, not to accuse someone of hiding something.

Is body language more reliable than words?

According to Vanessa Van Edwards, body language is harder to consciously control than speech, which can make it more informative when the two conflict. However, individual habits vary, so any single cue should be treated as a prompt to check in rather than proof of someone’s feelings.

Can these cues tell me exactly what someone is feeling?

No. The cues signal that something may be off — discomfort, uncertainty, or disagreement — but not why. Context, fatigue, and personal habits can all produce similar gestures, and the source guidance itself recommends hedged interpretation.

What research supports the importance of nonverbal communication?

Spencer D. Kelly’s team at Colgate University argues that gesture plays a role in moment-to-moment language processing in adults, and Darwin’s classic work linked emotion closely to physical expression. The specific ESL framework, however, comes from practitioner experience rather than controlled studies.

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